Random


Good day ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls.
Happy new year to y’all.

I put posts up here only 12 times in 2012. Imagine that?! No, I need you to really take a little time to ponder over something that is totally none of your business. Out of 366 days I managed to write on only 12 of those. That’s an average of one post per month. Doesn’t sound so bad right?

 

Wrong.

It’s an abysmal performance. Converting to percentage, that’s about 3.3%. Now is there any grade worse than an F? A zee perhaps? Or maybe worse than a zee. Oya dash me…

Infact, let me set nyansh to stool so that you can put whip to purpose.

I SET NYYAAANNNSH, TO THE STOOL... (Adele's voice)

I SET NYYAAANNNSH, TO THE STOOL… (Adele’s voice)

And no Kelvin, I am not a sick perverted gay ass hole who likes to get it while stooling.

Die.

So i came across a debate topic recently. It was about the shape of our heads particularly Igbo and Yoruba tribes of Nigeria. I wonder why the Hausas arent usually involved in these discussions.

L-R IGBO HEAD, YORUBA HEAD

L-R IGBO HEAD, YORUBA HEAD

Anyways, I was wondering. What is the perfect head shape? While there is no such thing as a “perfect head” there is definitely a “norm” for infant heads around the world.

Typically, the average skull is one third longer than it is wide. Anything apart from this and you’re an alien.

Don’t argue, just accept it.

Not like being an alien is bad or anything, I mean majority of us are not normal. Me for example with my egg shaped head…. *bursts into deep tears*
At least I am normal in some distant planet, maybe.
Reminds me of when we were younger and people used to abuse us by the shape of our heads. “pawpaw head”; “yam head”; “coconut head”; “mango head”; “guava head”. Etc.
Please take a minute to ponder about this because it does concern you this time.

Oh now you see uhn?

A human being will settle down and decide to call another human being that God has created Yam Head.

If this isn’t wickedness in high places, I don’t know what is.

See ehn, you have my permission. If anyone has ever called you a yam head, find that fellow and inflict bodily harm on the devil. I am not even joking!

Do you know what a yam tuber is? Do you? Do you? DO YEEEOOOUWWW??

YAM? YAM HEAD? I SHED JERUSALEM TEARS

YAM? YAM HEAD? I SHED JERUSALEM TEARS

*NB* That’s the prettiest yam i could find on the internet.
Mrs. Adeoba, my primary 3A English teacher called me mango head once. Imagine the effrontery!

How I wish I could look her in the eye now and tell her she was wrong and then do the chicken dance in her face for emphasis. I’m an egghead ma. You need to check the dictionary meaning of an egghead in case you didn’t already know. *strokes beard and yimus condescendingly*

DO YOU WANT MY PIN?

DO YOU WANT MY PIN?

I’m right and you’re not! Feli feli.. (in D’banj’s voice)
Now this is an actual mango head. Compare and contrast the contours with the actual mango.
Some mothers do have them…

:(

😦

Then there’s the orange head.

Segun Oshin was my senior by a year in secondary school and I swear to God that guy had the most spherical head I have ever seen.

A typical orange boy.

I am not kidding guys; this guy’s head was like a cookie.

SAY CHEESE MATE! :D

SAY CHEESE MATE! 😀

In case you’re reading this at night, go outside and look at the moon. (Tongue in cheek it’s a full one) Now close your eyes and hold it!
That’s Segun’s head right there! I shit you not.
Okay now, on second thought, it might not even be an insult if somebody ever described you as having a fruit head. Seriously, I wouldn’t argue if anyone called me a pear head if I was the guy below. It’s almost like his head and the pear are identical twins.

SEPARATED AT BIRTH MAYBE?

SEPARATED AT BIRTH MAYBE?

I mean if i were this mister right here, i would even christen myself the pear-headed man for good measure. You’ve gotta identify ya selling point before it gets too late.

Now before i bounce, there’s one more thing. theres a special category that if anyone called you, you have a right to go ape shit mad and kill everybody i your community, before shooting yourself in the head.

No scratch that, your head is bullet proof. Shoot yourself in the privates ater decapitating the mo’fucker who called you that name. This type of head is in a different category of it’s own. I mean, it’s like a pic stitch of all the available fruit types from coconut to water melon….

GERVINHO HEAD

GERVINHO HEAD

Don’t you ever let anyone call you this. In fact it should be a capital crime…

MY GOD. *Inserts tears of the Armageddon*

Whatever that means…

Larry Sushey, Immortal. 🙂

NB* Don’t lie, what is the shape of your own head?

A challenge

 

First of all… I don’t normally do this.

I have heard that the world as we know it ends in 17 days. In case this is true, I just have to put this out there. 2012 is/was (depending on when you read this) a good year. For one I am alive, hale and hearty. There are a lot of people who started with us and are no longer here. There are others more languishing in pain on hospital beds. There are yet others who are trapped within the confines of prison walls however innocent they are.

This year I lost a friend barely 2 weeks before wedding his soul mate. How it happened is still a mystery as he just complained of a tummy ache and slept in the Lord within 30 minutes of reaching the hospital. Emmanuel would’ve been happily married this month and I’m sure he had envisaged a lifetime of bliss with his heart throb. This life is filled with pain and sorrow. This same life, not another is filled with joy and gladness. Ups and downs, topsy-turvy.

See, if you met me for the first time this year chances are you met me at the lowest ebb of my life. Forget that I put up a brave face and probably laughed with you & had fun. Deep inside I have been unhappy. Everything had to be managed. Up until now, only a few people knew this.

“If you wish to achieve worthwhile things in your personal and career life, you must become a worthwhile person in your own self-development.” –  Brian Tracy: Self-help author and motivational speaker.

Anywhere I go, people like giving me responsibilities. It’s like they just see my face and think to themselves: “Yes. Lay it on Lanre’s shoulders. He can do it.”

I changed jobs twice this year. The first time it was to doing something entirely new. I was head of marketing and business development for a fast growing ICT coy. During the interview process, I never knew I’d get the job because on my cv I had never even done anything relating to marketing/biz – dev before. So I just went in and did my bit. I got the job but I didn’t expect to be made Head of department. For the umpteenth time in my life I was thrust in the deep end & I had to either swim or drown. Why they offered me the position, I don’t know. Why I accepted the position, I don’t know. I guess i just had something to prove to myself. That i could face any challenge headlong without faltering… Maybe.

I just went in and did my best & I will be honest with you guys, it was pure struggle. The pay wasn’t worth the stress and the pressure (at least compared to my previous pay) and a whole heap of shit kept being dumped at my doorstep. I wanted to quit so many times to just go wait at home but some people whose opinions I consider helped me to move on till something better came along. Thank you guys, (you know yourselves.)  I hurt some people this year, albeit taking out my frustrations on them and straining our blossoming friendship(s). I’m sorry and I hope we can be cool again someday.

Then an opportunity came along and within 2 weeks I was back to doing what I love. Another job change; career back on track; change in my pocket; no haters (yet). Still no girl, my forever alone ass stays being forever alone…

In all this, I am thankful I went through the fire. It has helped me in my personal self-development and will positively impact on my career someday hopefully. I thank God for some of the people I met. I have come across some really ignorant people too and if for nothing, I have learnt to thank God for the little knowledge I have. Life is hard people but this same life is also sweet. Struggle is not necessarily a bad thing. Steel as

Then this year, I met a girl.

Yeah, yeah I meet a lotta girls but this one is just different. As to whether she will read this I don’t know, but I really like this one. The fact that I met her at a place I wouldn’t normally meet people I should like this much leaves me all the more befuddled when I think about the circumstances. Feelings that were not supposed to be caught have stuck but yeah, she’s that special. This one has made me lose all my super powers. I’m still single and everything but I really wish my world as it is (in that regard) ends before the Mayans’ prophecy get us.

I’m serious.

Then thanks to my family for their support and ever fervent support. Thanks to my Susheys too. You guys are the awesomest!

“AIN’T NOBODY FRESHER THAN MY CLIQUE.”

I mean we’ve had our own problems this year but we have always come out unscathed and true to the game.

Love you guys, no homo.

Sushey out.

 

N.B The struggle hasn’t allowed me write too many posts this year, I apologise. Expect one more Sushey classic before this year runs out. I promise.

I will now go ahead and post this without proof reading before I change my mind about posting it.

I’m gone for real this time.

 

Inspiration for this was drawn from a rap song i used to really like by Styles P. Enjoy.

*********************************************************************

This is a true story ladies and gentlemen.

You might not believe it though but fuck it, I don’t care.

I’m about to open up.

My Knife

 

Listen. One day I fell asleep and my knife woke me up.

He said: “Your gun is in the closet flipping, talking about I get the most action he’s about to soak me up.”

So I went to the closet said: “Glock what’s wrong with you?!”

Gun: You ain’t bursting me off, it’s like I don’t belong to you!!!”

I said: “I just beat a case daddy. I’m trying to take it easy cos I’ve gotta move this weight daddy.”

Then the glock said: “Larry listen, you used the knife twice in a row, tell me if the plan’s switching. Cos we used to get around together, we used to put niggas down together, tell me if it’s now or never!”

I said: “Glock take it easy baby, cos I’ve got niggas to kill and I would never do you greasy baby. All you’ve gotta do is chill a while…”

My glock

Then the glock said: “Cool cos you know that I feel you Sush.”
My knife said to me: “I hawk niggas down, bust arteries.” (And he gets bright red for me.)

Me: “Knife you’re my nigga but leave me alone, I got to talk to my man Haze to get in the zone.”

 

Haze

I said: “Haze what the hell is up?”

He said: “You know how we do, you know that we’re crew, so where’s the vanilla dutch?”

Now I’m rolling something up, thinking about killing every blogger in the game and holding something up.

My haze said to me: “You need to calm down when the rage come to you, before a grave or a cage or a gauge come to you. But you don’t give a fuck, so just open up your book and let your page come to you.”

Now even though I’m humble and noble, I’m immortal and I don’t give a f***

If you don’t understand this paragraph it’s probably cos haze is in the building and don’t blame me if i shoot you through your mobile device/computers.

Wait. Hold up my niggas, it really isn’t a convo unless your money starts talking…

My money

My money spoke to me.

It said shit, that if it wasn’t for his ass there wouldn’t be no hope for me.

Me: “Money ain’t everything.”

Then he laughed at me, and said the glock ought to blast at me.

He said: “I got you out of jail, paid for the lawyer and bail. Take a look at the cars and the crib; I keep the clothes on your back, food in your mouth, even paid for the birds when you moved niggas south. Shit, I’m the reason why the block is jumping. Let fake niggas try to stop something, your Susheys’ll pop something. Plus I’m the reason why you’re ride or die; you keep a lot of me by your side, shoot niggas in the eye.”

I said: “Money you’re the root of evil. How did they print ‘In God We Trust’ knowing what you do to people?”

But I’m a hard felon. So I grabbed two stacks, dirty and bloody cos I heard my car yelling.

Lamborghini Mercy…

I got a story to tell, my knife talked to me but, nobody believes that my knife talked to me.

I got a story to tell, my hammer talked to me but, nobody believes that my hammer talked to me.

I got a story to tell, my haze talked to me but, nobody believes that my haze talked to me.

I got a story to tell, my money talk to me but, nobody believes that my money talked to me.

 

Walahi i’m not mad.

I’m Larry Sushey (Esquire)

True…

Sharrap! I know you have missed me and there’s nothing you can say/do to convince me otherwise. Thou shalt not (˘̯˘ )!
I’ve been so busy with life so much so that I haven’t had time for blogosphere. So when I had a lil’ chat with Tola and she offered to write on here, I jumped on the opportunity like a copper coin on magnet. She writes about shoes. Something that has been on my mind for a bit now… Enjoy!

N.B- Takalmi is Hausa for shoes (I think)
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“There are two kinds of people in this world, my friend; the kind that notice the shoes first and the kind that don’t.” Wise words from Tuco Ramirez (of the Good, the Bad and the Ugly – directed by Firdausi – fame). Today, we are going to talk about shoes; the stiff outer covering for feet. I really don’t know where to start from so I’m going to do what I do best – write nonsense and hope you find the sense and discard the non.
So we are going to start with what shoes are made of. Leather, wood, canvas, rubber, plastic and other petrochemical-derived materials (for more details please go to Wikipedia.com) are materials that are involved in the shoe making process. This post is supposed to be about my take on shoes, so I’m going to select a few types.
Men have no problem when it comes to shoes (or most things in life); most of their shoes are comfortable (or so they look). What, you have your pams, toms, vans, loafers, plimsoles, what else? Bottom line, you guys are happy with your choice of footwear. I really don’t have anything to say under this sub-topic. If you are guy and you want an in-depth write up on this, this is the wrong post.

LADIES!!!! Yes! Wassup y’all. :D. ok, so I’m not really a girly girl, I wear mostly sandals and I just started wearing shoes at the beginning of this session (October). When the Great Massasushey chose this topic, I was perplexed as to what exactly I would write but I am the Queen of Freestyling (among other things, Subs included). I’m going to start with sandals. I absolutely loooove them; comfortable, pretty, lets your feet breathe, comfortable, doesn’t require much space to pack in a bag, comfortable, FLAT(very important to me), easy to put on (unless u buy the ones with annoying straps), comfortable… what else, comfortable, comfortable… and oh, comfortable.
Peep-toe shoes; in my opinion, the toes that are peeping out are more hurt than those minding their business (this further illustrates that aproko is bad). And some people ‘with toes like pincers’ refuse to spare us and wear this kind of shoes. Like seriously? The only reason I can think of for wearing a peep-toe is maybe because you want to seduce those with toe fetish(es), you know, the mini skirt effect… I can’t even wear my pair if I don’t have nail polish on (yes dear, I have a pair). To cut this story short, your toes shouldn’t be peeping if they are not pretty; and please don’t tell me you are proud of your toes, no one is proud of ugly (and if you are, I’m praying for you right here).

Heels!!! Oh Lord, I still haven’t been able to adjust to this kind. You can call me a failed woman if you want to. Omo, that thing no easy jo! I can’t even wear it for three straight hours (church). My mother says with time, it’ll come to me; it’s not coming. Some of my ‘friends’ have asked me what I’ll wear on my wedding day (assuming I’m going to get married – anyway, refer to the fourth paragraph). They say heels complement an outfit, I say there’s an alternative to everything (ask our dearest muslim brethren, they came up with shisha among other stuff). Besides, I can look just as good in my darling flats. Since I have never won a comfortable pair of heels, I have concluded that heels are worn either by stoics or masochists. I will end here.

Actually, I will NOT end there. I heard platforms are the most comfortable and stilettos are the least. Why would I even want to wear anything named after a dagger? (but I can wear stuff named after a type of fighter sha). Some women are blessed with the gift of wearing heels sha… Lady Gaga for example, that woman is just… she makes it look so easy! With those funny looking stuff she wears *sign of the cross*. You don’t want to be like Onika Maraj; ever notice how she has to hold somebody anytime she’s in heels? Like seriously, it’s not by force. If I had that much money, I’ll have Giuseppe make me a pair of looooovely flats; custom made and all.
This is officially the end of this post.

I’ve always wanted to be a Sushey and now that I’m on a Sushey’s blog, I can’t help but feel elated. Er… I’m also a feature blogger so you can contact me if you want me to write something for you, you have to come up with a topic though. I would like to thank my sis for editing this, me for writing this, Siobhan (I just came up with this name for my laptop, I really wanna be a cool kid) for not shutting down suddenly and deleting all this work, you for reading this, Massasushey for posting this; and anyother person/thing that has made this post possible.
Dear Susheys, I reside in Abuja and it would be an honour if I am made part of your family (one would think that knowing Teni ‘personally’ would make this easier).
And let’s not forget, people, the Firdausi Fone Fund. Please make this #TeamForeverAlone member happy by donating to the cause of the purchase of a pink Samsung Galaxy Note.

Thank you and God bless.
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Boys have ugly shoes too babe! Didn’t you read “The Last Mohican?” That was the 2nd post ever on this blog I think…
Anyway, much ado about shoes. Use the comment section to share your experiences on any ‘shoe’ experiences.

Plus, do y’all think Tola should be a Sushey?! 😀 =D. Contact her on twitter; @Phydaursi.

Immortal Larry Sushey.

I love dust

I love dust

I saunter unto this blogsville street, dust cloud!
*Inhales dust; savours…*
So many cobwebs spiderman would get consumed in a ball of yarn. Yet I stand… Dust king.
So much webs up in here It feels like a website… It’s been like what, three years since I left these streets?

Hmmn…

Wait a minute! This blog is all about yarning dust innit? I don’t think blogging about anything will do us any justice. I’ll just leave… Yeah leave it empty. Let the dust accumulate. #OkBye. ​                  ‎​                  ‎​                  ‎​                  ‎​              ​                  ‎​                  ‎​                  ‎​                  ‎​              ​                  ‎​                  ‎​                  ‎​                  ‎​              ​                  ‎​                  ‎​                  ‎​                  ‎​              ​                  ‎​                  ‎​                  ‎​                  ‎​             
*PSYCHE* ​                  ‎​                  ‎​                  ‎​                  ‎​              ​                  ‎​                  ‎​                  ‎​                  ‎​             

I bet you thought I was gonna do it, didn’t ya? Well…

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You were right.

Sushey out.
😐

Great Child

Great Child

There will be seven. Seven of you will extrebolate from my loins. 1 boy and six girls. Let me tell you a little something about your father. I like women. Your grandfather Afolabi Akunamatata Sushey was a womaniser. In our clan, I have always been looked at as the odd one. Well at least I see myself as different from the other Susheys. I mean take a look at my siblings… from Johnnie to Frankie, my brothers have taken all the flirtatious chromosomes from his gene pool and left me with chaff. That is why I am good people. I will therefore have only one wife. One wife at a time I mean. Nothing, not even death (to your mother(s) of course) can stop this here Larry from having you seven rugrats.

Good news or bad news first. Let’s start with the bad shall we? My children, forget about inheriting any of my property because I will never die. I am sure you know what immortal means. Therefore, I am sure the only way you’ll get to read this letter is if I decide to show it to you. You know, just to prove a point at some point in the future.

*chuckles*

Now to the good news. My son, you shall be first and you shall be called ‘Anonymous’. No surname no nothing. You shall simply be referred to as Anonymous. I know your friends might laugh at you and call you all sorts but you are a Sushey and nothing can get under that skin of ours. Look on the bright side son! You can get away with anything nigga; from plagiarism to murder.” Whodunnit? Anonymous”.
Thank me later.
You will also be an international soccer star. If you decide to play for Chelsea, you will be replaced. Your primary assignment will be to protect your sisters and you will be great at it.

Now to my daughters. Thomas, Gbolahon, Xerxes, Vladimirina, Larry and Copernicus. Yes I have reasons for choosing such uniquely beautiful names for all of you. Well, all apart from Thomas, I just like the way Thomas sounds. I have given you a voltron as a brother. He should be able to get away with anything so I foresee no problems in that department. I have the six of you because I like women. You lot are a joy/beauty to behold and also a worthy investment. Your bride price(s) will break world records, I promise you this.

At least three of you must marry Chinese men. Those midgets from the East have put in motion their grand plan of taking over the world yo! Did you know that it is now compulsory for all Chinese to learn the English Language? Imagine one billion look-alikes speaking fluent English effortlessly. They’ll infiltrate every country and it’ll only be a matter of time before they become the world’s elite. Plus they have small ‘kinis’ and that should help reduce wear and tear of the… *mumbles some gibberish and cracks knuckles*

I will make you a few promises. You will never regret having me as a father. If you try to be naughty be rest assured that I will whoop your ass and you will like it. When you are born and I see signs that this one is going to be stubborn, I swear to Zeus the first language you understand will be that of the koboko. Three pronged with detachable spiked balls at the end. I will flog the demons out of your destiny. Don’t worry, #ewinorpainyou.

None of you will be gay. I bet my immortality on it. My koboko guarantees it. I mean let’s think about it. A homosexual man would rather be with a man who acts like a woman than with a real woman. A lesbian doesn’t like boys but will prefer to sexplore with a tom-boy. No offspring of mine will be involved in such acts. I promise to give you the best of education and that means you will not school in Nigeria. I mean even if they brought Havard to Calabar, you will school abroad. There’s something about this Nigerian sun… All of you must speak at least three languages. Of those three, I demand that English and Chinese be paramount. I am only trying to secure your future, any other language you choose to add is not my concern.

I know you thunk I was gonna give you advice and some bull crap rule book to live by like all the other mortal parents yeah? That shit’s for cunt muppets and weaklings yo! In life there are no rules, just make sure you live your life like good people cos karma is one helluva bisexual bitch and she’ll fuck you up seven ways from Sunday.

I leave you with these few words though: “Life’s a bitch, so fuck it!” I mean nak that akpako so hard the echoes reverberate all through the underworld and beyond the entire Universe. You know, Something like what Thor’s hammer could do. Just be good people and all will be fine. I’ll be chilling in the Mongolian mountains with my monk friends… If you deviate from these predictions of mine, remember I will still have my koboko and if that doesn’t work, you will be replaced.

I remain immortal.

Larry Sushey.

Brain on a platter

Hello there. It’s your boy again and i’m here once again to speak my mind. You know, take you through the dark recesses of my manly mind. Call me chauvinist, i don’t care. All i do is yimz yimz yimz no matter what!

First of all let me apologise just in case my non – Nigerian readers cannot follow this. I promise to put up a post my Nigerian readers won’t understand just so we get even. If you are a Nigerian in diasporra and you don’ t feel carried along, use your church mind. Naija no dey carry last unless of course you’r e just stupid. :p 

About a week ago, there was this crase on BBM (blackberry messenger) encouraging people to change their display pictures to a certain yellow ribbon and hence help to prevent breast cancer or something of the sort.

Really? Cool story bruv, cool story.

I change my dp to a yellow ribbon and i have helped prevent Nkiru from getting breast cancer. *insert blank stare*  Whaever happened to doing real stuff like spending real time and money to ensure that more research is carried out on the subject matter? Anyway, cancer doesn’t really bother me as much as some other life threatening disease like body odour so i started a campaign of my own. I went on twitter to announce to the twitterverse that to help stop/prevent body odour we should all change our avatars to green ribbons. For thoose of you that heeded to the call, God will make you smarter o! Just close your twitter account and stay restriced to social network sites like Baddoo. Even Hi5 isn’t good enough for you.

I spent hours at the NEPA office the other day trying to buy the electriciy recharge card and all i can say is body odour is a serious disease. An epidemic scale calamity i tell you.

Cool story, bruv. Cool story.

Yellow for cancer, green for body odour. Make a choose.

If you don’t believe me visit a NEPA office or police station near you.

Also yesterday, BBM went crazy once again. What with so many females changing their statuses to some sorta stupid code. You know those secret messages  they send to only females and warn them not to tell any males and threaten the snitches with death sentences for crimes against womanhood.

Blackberry users must’ve noticed stuff like : “I’m 2 weeks and i crave skittles” or “I am 16 weeks and i crave ice cream“.

Well i have proof that that message was started by BOYS. Yes… Sons of Adam.

*insert cc @Beyonce: Who run the world? Girls. Who run the girls? BOYS.*

So for all the beautiful females who changed their statuses yesterday, just hide ya head in ya pant.

Cool story, bruv. Cool story.

FYI, here’s the said message:

“Ladies!!! We’re here again!!! The idea this time is to choose the month You were born and the day you were born. Pass this on to the girls only and lets see how far it reaches around.DO NOT tell any males what the status’ mean,keep them guessing! The last one about the bra went round the world.

So you’ll write… I’m (your birth month) weeks and I’m craving (your birth date) !!! as your status :p

Example: Feb 14th= I’m 2 weeks and craving Chocolate mints!! 😉

January-1week
February-2weeks
March-3weeks
April-4weeks
May-6weeks
June-8weeks
July-10weeks
August-12weeks
September-13weeks
October-14weeks
November-16weeks
December-18weeks

Days of the month:

1- Skittles
2- Starburst
3- Kit-Kat
4- M&M’s
5- Tomatoes
6- Ice Cream
7- Dairy Milk
8- Lollipop
9- Peanut Butter Cups
10- Meat Balls
11- Twizzlers
12- Bubble Gum
13- Hershey’s Kisses
14- Chocolate Mints
15- Twix
16- Cheese
17- Fudge
18- Cherry Jello
19- Bananas
20- Pickles
21- Chicken Wings
22- Chocolate Chips
23- Gummy Bears
24- Gummy Worms
25- Strawberry Pop Tarts
26- Starburst
27- Mini Eggs
28- Kit-Kat Chunkie
29- Double Chocolate Chip Chrunchy Cookies
30- Smarties
31- Chocolate Cake
Broadcast this to all ur female friends to see if we can make a bigger fuss this year than last year 😉

I did my part… So now its YOUR turn!

Don’t forget to leave the guys out. Only send to the ladies on ur bbm. 😉 :D. Keep it going round.”

Wondering how i know this was sent by a man? Just inspect the said message closely and you’ ll see man written all over it. Notice how all the cravings are some form of candy, chocolate or cake and all of that stuff women like. Yes? No!

Pay attention to #5. Tomatoes. Right in between M&M’s and Ice cream the man folk managed to sneak tomato unto their cravings list just to make fun of them and they didn’ t notice. Like seriously, bitches crave tomatoes? That’s like Fela Anikulapo Kuti craving for shawarma. A wman would never put tomatoes on this list. NEVER.

Notice the difference?

BUHAHAHAHA!!!

Sweethearts, have you hidden ya head in ya pant yet?

Here’s further proof. #10 on the list is ‘meat balls’ If you dont get the irony of these two magical words on that list, join them and hide ya head too. This awesome man then went ahead to addbananas’ at #19 and then ‘chicken wings’ at #21 just for effects. Ladies, you just love bananas don’ t you?

Cool story, bruv. Cool story.

NB: No women were hurt in the production of this document. All voltrons can kiss my meat balls and don’t worry they’re very huge. As huge as basket balls so there’s enough to go round and finally, this is not my coming out he closet post. I am NOT a chauvinist.

I am Larry Sushey.

Pickles… Buhahahahahahahahaha!!! #20