April 2014

I told you i could drop anything anytime right? 

You people should stop trying me o… This is another first on this here blog.


NB: Today’s post is not my work. This is courtesy themetapicture.com.


Larry Sushey.

Hian! Some babes can be so possessive!


Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, witches and wizards, mummies and daddies, whores and gigolos, spies, aliens, goblins, predators, snitches, Beystans and organisms that prefer to use water to wipe their asses rather than tissue paper, you are welcome to the Larry Sushey Show.


A tale is about to be told. *insert applause* We ain’t cold outchea!

Now, if you do not belong in any of the categories I mentioned above, sorry.

A thousand apologies to all of you that have given up on my blog, I’m a douche and I know it. This is something I have never done before. This is the first post in a series of posts; more like a collection of cool stories (believe it or not, all my cool stories are non-fiction) that should leave you craving summer and utterly concupiscent of a little more than a bear hug. I shall post the others randomly cos I am foolish like that. 2nd one just might drop later today…Might.

I swear.

You see when I was in secondary school and wanted to have a girlfriend at all cost, certain older people advised me against rushing. They said to wait till I was in University and watch the babes swarm around me like hood-rat bitches around a bottle of champagne.

Those older people lied.

We were six that ‘rolled’ together. Larry, Franky, Johnny, Joey, Danny and Moshood. I mean this was the ultimate crew. Six boys whose only aim in school (socially) was to sleep with other people’s girlfriends. We had tried each to have our own, but these bitches be trippin’. So we decided to go rogue and shared one true girlfriend. The love of our lives, we called her baby.


Our Baby. The love of our lives…

Now, baby originally belonged to Moshood but eventually belonged to all of us, cos we were good friends and all that jazz. Naturally, Moshood’s flat became our Mecca. Every day, we spent all of our time in his room. Playing game after game: ISS Pro Evolution Soccer, Mortal Kombat, Street Fighter, NHL 2000, Tekken, NBA Basketball 2000, etc. We were in love with baby and she was in love with us.

When we were in the 2nd year, Moshood met one STUPID girl. Her name was Bisi. This was the girl that made him break our code. Eventually, they started dating and we didn’t really care. It just meant that baby would have one less a regular player.

Hian! Some babes can be so possessive!  

At first, Bisi was a really cool babe. She would laugh at our jokes, cook for us, and never really used to invade our space. After all, before Eve there was Adam. Then she started showing her true colours…

First of all, we noticed that she was always at Moshood’s place. She changed the colour of his curtains to pink then started leaving her clothing lying seemingly randomly in the bathroom and his wardrobe our wardrobe. I mean, this broad was moving in with my nigga. Then, I noticed that she started frowning anytime we came through (which was pretty much every time anyway) and would leave anytime we were around. Later, she stopped leaving and would just cower into a corner on the bed and start sulking…

We didn’t even send her!

Nobody was going to come between us and our baby. This bitch from hell was hell bent on destroying our friendship but we weren’t gonna take it. Even Moshood had changed; he never wanted to hang out with the boys anymore and suddenly started attending lectures.

Imagine! Lectures?!

This was war. So we decided to make their relationship HELL.


This was gonna be Bisi after we finished with her

  1. We replaced the contents of her favourite Nollywood movie cases with ‘educational’ material from Bang Bros, Brazzers, Naughty America, Adam and Eve, Vivid Entertainment, 21 Sextury et al.
  2. We placed pictures of Hulk Hogan, Chuck Norris, Abacha and George Opong Weah on his walls. No way we were gonna allow Moshood’s house look any more like a cake than it already was.
  3. We would pretty much fart and belch anywhere like the good ol’days.
  4. We faked a burglary and changed the locks to the house. We gave him a key and held all the spares. That bitch wasn’t gonna separate us from baby no more.
  5. Someone (not me) mixed her baby oil with groundnut oil.

These are a few amongst the stuff we did to her and she eventually stopped coming to the house. We thought we had won the war, little did we know it was but a battle.

One sunny Friday afternoon, I went to Moshood’s house as usual to practice some special moves on PES before the rest of the gang got there and the door was locked. As I proceeded to open the lock with my key, the door opened and standing before me was a topless Bisi.


This broad had a plan!

I nefa esperrerrit. I mean, I wasn’t ready.


She had me like…

This bitch had the straightest face on and the following convo ensued.

Bisi: “Hey Larry, long time… Come in now.”

Me: “JESUS!”

Bisi: “What’s the matter?” She looked around looking innocent as fuck (even though she was gasconading in her mind).

Me: Whe, Whe, Whe… Whe, Where is Moshood?!

Bisi: “He’s in the bathroom. Come inside and wait for him now”.

I considered it, but the bro code said NO. So i told her I just came to say hi and took my leave, without as much as a backward glance. I heard her chuckle…

The moment I got outside the gate, I activated the Usain Bolt mode! I ran mudafuckas! I ran faster than the fucking roadrunner…

10 minutes later I was back at Moshood’s front door with Franky, Joey, Danny and Johnny. The moment she opened the door, topless again… My niggas whipped out their camera phones and started taking pictures. I mean, we didn’t need any invitations to enter the room as she ran into the kitchen and shut herself in.


Haha! Who’s laughing now beeeech?!

She eventually left the flat crying profusely with Moshood in tow, while the rest of us were playing PES.

We didn’t even send her!

That was the last of that relationship. The war was over and there was only one winner…

Gosh, I’m too mussh.

Larry Sushey.

NB: Turns out poor Bisi just wanted time to have sex/cuddle/do shit with her boyfriend but we were always there. Imagine? Why didn’t she just say? She lacked communication skills.

Like we would’ve minded watching them bang anyway… LOL!