This post is not rated 18. In fact it contains no reference to sex, violence, nudity or strong language whatsoever but I had to figure a way to get you perverted lot to read. Now that you’re here, you might as well just read the whole bit.

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I KNOW YOU MISSED ME

 

I am here to talk about pets. In particular, chickens and cats.

Okay, cocks and pussies.

Before I proceed, let us get something clear. I hate pussies. Like, I literally cannot stand those feline bastards. Put me within 100 meters of one and I begin to feel nauseated. This is why I feel gobsmacked whenever I hear that humans eat pussy.

Why the hell would you wanna do that to yourself? I cannot even begin to imagine how that shit would taste. Some dude was describing to me how they kill pussies. They take the cat, put it in a sack, and then use sticks to beat the pussy up. In fact, they beat the pussy till all it’s nine lives are gone.

Then they cook and eat it. Yuck.

As for cock, I love cock.

Don’t tell me you haven’t eaten cock before. When I was younger I loved going to grandma’s house because she would tell Uncle Dayo to always get the biggest of her cocks, kill it and she would cook it for us. Chicken is sweet.

I am not responsible for your thoughts on the matter.

Now to today’s post…

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We start with the penis.

Why the FUCK would you call a penis, cock?

Do they look alike?

I just took a look at my preek now and I swear to god my own doesn’t look like a chicken. Maybe yours does and you wonder why you don’t ever get laid? There is a reason why the penis is the ultimate symbol of manhood and that reason is PREEK. These days even women have the beard so that is main stream as far as I am concerned.

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I don’t see any resemblance

Be the judge but as far as I am concerned, my own looks like a torpedo. A torpedo with balls.

Do they smell alike?

How do I know? The only cock I have ever smelt in my life was already doused with curry and other seasoning and I am in the office now so it is impossible to do that bit of comparison. One thing I am sure of though is that I don’t smell chicken when I take my bath in the mornings…

Do they taste alike?

Hmnn…

See I have eaten cock many times but I cannot compare as I have never tasted penis. Again, I am in the office but even if I were somewhere private I doubt that I will ever put PREEK in my mouth so over to you ladies…

Do they feel alike?

*Grabs crotch*

Awusubilahi!

When I am not Hagrid. Why should I have so much hair around my penis? I have grabbed cock many times in grandmas backyard and well I just grabbed my penis too so yeah I can compare. If you’re one of those men who don’t keep the grass cut, I suggest you change.

Jesus is coming soon… Unless of course you dey barb Mohawk for that Zanga.

I have done some research and a school of thought argues that the penis is called a cock because it always nods like the avian. So I say, why not call it the lizard? At least that nods as well… Others say it’s because the cock arises in the morning.

Awusubilahi! Awusubilahi!!

Then the vagina. (I don’t know why I am smiling like a fool right now)

I hate that I have to compare the vagina to a pussy. However, what is good for the gander is good for the goose so here goes…

Do they look alike?

The right question should be is the vagina ugly? To be honest, even though I don’t like pussies some cats are really cute. It’s those black pussies that piss me the hell off. Those ones that serve as harbingers for evil spirits… Those ones that don’t even have red tongues.

Evil.

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No resemblance whatsoever.

Over to you ladies, I really cannot tell.

Do they smell alike?

Na wa o…

Q: A train left Port Harcourt at 8 am for Lagos a distance of 984 km travelling at a speed of 90km/per hour. 30 minutes later, another train departed Lagos for Port Harcourt travelling at a speed of 120km per hour.

A)     When did they meet each other?

B)      Where did they meet each other?

My response: How do you want me to know the answer? WAS I THERE??

I have heard rumours of fish though. Do cats smell like fish? I don’t think so but hey, what do I know?

Do they taste alike?

Let us get one thing clear, I, Larry Sushey will NEVER eat pussy. Not in this life, nor in the after life.

Having said that, I cannot once again compare… So I will tell you what I am cock sure of.  Vagina does taste good. At least I still remember from the Nkem story two blog posts ago. She tasted like oranges… ^_^ In fact, vagina tastes very very good.

My guess is that cats cannot be that sweet.

Do they feel alike?

I am just here looking for a female crotch to grab. I could approach a female colleague and ask them to oblige me for research purposes but I doubt Nigerians in their stuck up ways would understand.

Any way, I can postulate.

Pussy cats are hairy and vagina isn’t necessarily so. I cannot tell if cats are soft and all that but I guess there are some hulk hogan vaginas out there that are harder than Olumo rock too.

What can I say?

Research from Yahoo answers says, as far back as 1853 pussy referred to the vulva and not the entire vagina. Originally the word was probably “puss” another word for “pouch”, referring to the shape. Back then it was a nicer and less vulgar way of saying vulva. In 1852 the term was also used as a term of endearment. So it wasn’t specifically vulgar at that time. A husband could lovingly call his wife “pussy”.

The real question is why do some people think the word is vulgar or degrading when it was a nicer way of saying it to begin with?

Wiki answers says, In the 19th century the term “pussy” came to refer to anything soft and furry (“pussy willow” and “pussycat”, for example.) Since women’s vulvas are typically soft and furry the term spread (unlike many thighs…) rapidly. Later someone noticed the hairy patch resembled a beaver’s tail (and thus the term “beaver” came about to describe the same thing.

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COME AGAIN

Larry Sushey.

All pictures thanks to google…