I am writing this with a lot of directionlessness. I don’t care if that’s not a real word, it’s a big word.

Some of these “facts”are on the internet and i am angry.

Just read.

Mumu.

FACT#1

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#Fatfam. Now you have a reason to grow morbidly obese and die of your own weight. Instead of going to the gym and doing all that hard work, how about you eat a lot more? Eat enough to build 2 feet of fat. See ehn, you will never need a duvet again in your life.

You are a duvet cuh.

Also the next time somebody calls you an ‘orobo’ do the following:

  1. Shout a loud AWWWWWUN.
  2. Bring out a gun (If you’re not too(lz) lazy to carry it) and shoot yourself in the belly.
  3. Point the gun at them and shoot them in the knee cap.
  4. Then look them in the eye as they die slowly and tell them you’re an orobo toh bad.

FACT#2

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I swear Leonardo Da Vinci lacked taste.

12 whole years for those lips that look like genetically modified moin moin leaves! By age 12 I was already smoking Benson & Hedges cuh.

Seriously, I was at the Louvré recently and I saw the Mona Lisa and

Fam, I don’t get it. There is absolutely nothing in that painting. You people on this planet can overhype things. People were “oohing” and “aaahing” and I was WhatTheFuckAmIDoingHer(e)ing. (Another big word, I’m getting good at this shit). They now put some kinda protective glass over the damn thing and… *sigh*

Don’t upset me.

FACT#3

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Yoruba people are above average. Shut up, I am Yoruba. How they come up with these statistics is what bothers me.

80%? 80%??

Hmmn! *bites finger*

To be honest I talk to myself all the time. The other day I was talking to myself then I realized it. Then I had to tell myself to stop talking to myself and asked myself if I was going mad. Have you ever had an argument with yourself before? I asked myself if I was going mad and I replied that I wasn’t. I then asked why I was talking to myself and argued back and forth with myself on whether I was mad or not. When I realized I was arguing with myself it was quite late. So I mediated with myself and decided to stop talking to myself. It’s weird I know but I’m not the only one who does this shit am i?

I am Yoruba. I’d say 85%, more than 85%.

FACT#4
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LOL! You people should not be angry o. Please who is Miley Cyrus? Who is Daniel Radcliffe? :s

FACT#5

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This one take style funny. Imagine going to the market to buy fish and they ask you what type you wanted. “Slippery dick.” Do they eat it? Fried slippery dick or roasted slippery dick doesn’t sound like something I want to see on a plate. LMAO…

I have a headache guys. Couldn’t they have named this fish something else? I googled that shit and the thing doesn’t even look like a penis. I said it before, the people on this planet are somehow. All of you are mad.
Mumu…

FACT#6

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The other night I went to Elegushi beach to fraternize with poor people, prostitutes and familiar spirits. I drank quite heavily that night and I saw a poor girl with the most banging body. (I’m sorry I called her poor) It might as well be that she is a mixture of all three a poor, prostitute familiar spirit but I digress.

1)I wanted her in life cuh.

2)So I started to imagine cuh.

I started to day dream. Myself and her were banging in the clouds cuh. Somebody tapped me and I came back to reality but she was no longer as beautiful as when I went dreaming. I lost interest and started looking for the next pair of boobs to ogle over. You see where I am going with this? The day dream didn’t work!

Wait. Coodibee that it was not a day dream because all of this happened at night? Coodibee??

FACT#7

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Them no cut it well fam. You don’t believe me? Please give me a starfish and Tiger razor blade and I will slice it for you. If any part of that fish grows back I will worship you for the rest of my existence. I am not even joking fam. BaSTARd fish. You dunno deh thing.

FACT#8

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What if your father died and you didn’t kill him?

FACT#9

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So this drunk dude walks into the compound and introduces himself as Obama. He goes ahead to talk about how he personally fought in the 2nd world war and how he and Napoleon grew up together in Gronnigen, Netherlands. He was there when Abacha married John Legend in Kano and is a personal friend of Mungo Park.

See uhn, 85% is too small. 100% of what a drunken person says is absolutely true.

Anuofia!!

FACT#10
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“This is why i’m high. This is why i’m high. This is why, this is why, this is why i’m high.”

I have always said it that nobody should be ugly at 2 am on a Friday night. If anyone still is, something is wrong with either the beholder, the beheld or both of them. Imagine if everyone was always high… I’d probably look like that Emirati fool that was… *fumes and bites finger*

Don’t upset me. Anyway, i would probably look like him. I may also mistake Mama Emma’s midget housegirl for Beyonce too but…

So what we get drunk! We don’t give a fuck

Here’s a real fact: I used 3 big words in this post. AWWWWWUN is a big word, don’t bother arguing.

Tosh it!

Larry Sushey.