It is not news that on the Thursday, the 20th day of October, in the year of our lord 2011. I lost a friend. The west succeeded in killing a good man. Stupid, but a good man all the same. I didn’t rejoice when he was killed by snitches his own people rather i wept for that Nation. They know not what they have lost in a man who was the only uniting factor amongst the many very volatile tribes that make up that country.

Stupid, stupid Moammar. My friend of many years, if only you had listened to my advice. You were lost in your glory and got so power drunk that you didn’ t know when to press the eject button. You thought it wasn’ t gonna end and felt that you could win the battle but you forget that we war not against flesh and blood but Jews. I am going to share with these good people five of the things i would’ve done differently if i was in your shoes. I know you won’t like it but meh…. :p

Catch me if you can!

  • If i was Moammar, I would have got myself some plastic surgery done. Think about it, nobody really likes an ugly leader! Im sure you know why they kicked out the General from Ota. He like you, had every intention of running for office for a third term and see the public outcry against his ascension. Despite all your achievements, and how good you were to your people, they still literally led u to kick the proverbial bucket. Life ain’t fair i know so we’ ve gotta bleach it homie (cc @iceprince) but you could have been a little smarter dawg. Even with your country having the best medical care system in Africa, you couldn’t humble yourself and go under the knife. You could have been superstar like Mick Jagger but your pride built a mansion in Tripoli before your fall came calling. I mean who wouldn’t want good ol’ Mick ruling over them? Ugly not good for business yo! Ugly not good.

You could have had the moves like Jagger

  • If i was Moammar, I would have stepped down about twenty years ago. Like seriously i know… They were all corrupt dick heads with no genuine love for the country and they were all pussies yeah. I know you are the revolutionist. The saviour and grand master Lee that delivered Libya from the monarchy of King Idris I. My guy, you took over power in 1969 yeah? You could have at least trained somebody to take over from you bro. Look at me for example? I could have helped you out mayne! All you had to say was that i was from some remote village outside Tikrit. I’m good with Languages and i would have adapted faster than that Rick Perry dude could have ever recovered from his gaffe last night. I asked you, but like a certain oracle, #YouSaidNo. Look At Vladimir Putin, (I named one of my daughters after him) he installed Medviedev as president of Russia and became Prime minister. He still runs shit in the country by the way and now will be the next president. We could have used Libya to play “ten-ten” like they’re doing in Russia now but you didn’t listen. Now you rot in a grave not even up to six feet deep. 😦 . Im hurt. #Edeypain.
  • If i was Moammar, I would have got rid of those cheap sun shades yo! Look at your mates all over the world… Even Abacha in his life time would never have put on that crap you put on your face man! Yes you bought it for twelve thousand U.S.D and it was hand made by the ancient earth benders from the Tibetan mountains or wherever the heck but i bet you a million bucks i saw that shit in Aba. In fact i doubt that all your clothes weren’t sewn at Ariaria model market. You no get personal stylist? I swear if you had a little more style; even without the surgery your people would’ve tolerated you. Shebi Kim Jong Il is still in power now… That nigga got more style than you and that my friend is a major, major problem. I told you but #YouSaidNo

Muhammadu, are you a biker? BIG frames nigga, BIG frames.

  • If i was Moammar, I would have had a few more daughters. Infact i would have had more daughters than sons. Come on man, you know boys have too much trouble. I will have seven children and you had eight… cool, but brov seven boys and one girl is no fair balance. I mean, were you a butt pirate? Why have so many troublesome “pendula” gyrating about your crib? Then you had to name your son Hannibal… The guy just lived up to his name by being a real pain in your proverbial ass! I would have taken all my children to China if i were you so that they can famz with the who’s who in the society, you dig? Yes? Idiot. How you go dig when you no be hoe…
  • If i was Moammar, I would have been a lot nicer! Ahn ahn, bros you too wicked!!! You could have been a tad nicer to people bro! I know Libya’s a very complex country and you needed an iron fist to rule them just like Nigeria but you took it to another level joh. Yes you gave them a fantastic economy and all that stuff we wish for in Sub-Saharan Africa but you didn’t pay enough detail to the little things. Those little things have accumulated to bring you down now and i’m sure you know that phrase about little drops of water making the mighty ocean. The fat lady sang nigga and you were made to dance but you could have at least given us damn good exit moves to your swan song. Instead after forming voltron you had to beg for your life. You fall my hand bro…

Plus in 1970, You seized just the private assets of Libya’s Italian and Jewish residents, driving them from the country. Wait, you be Caeser?  Nobody fuxxx with ’em Jews bro. You didn’t get the memo? Now they got you good didn’t they? Didn’t they?!…

Everyone needs to learn the stuff i teach. Everyone.

Immortal as always,

Larry Sushey.