The greatest man in the world.

My man of men without an iota of doubt is Aron Ralston. If you’re asking yourself “who the hell Aron Ralston is,” you’d better step back and re-evaluate your life right now. Ralston, the living legend, is a mechanical engineer by training and had a very comfortable job with Intel before he resigned to pursue his dream of mountain climbing.

In April 2003, he was hiking up a cliff in southern Utah (probably to do something manly like take a leak off of it), when a giant boulder fell on him, pinning his arm against the ground. Most people would have just died, but did he surrender his life to a mere giant life-threatening boulder? Hell no. He just kept getting angrier and angrier until he finally CUT OFF HIS ARM WITH A DULL KNIFE.

AWESOME EXTRAORDINAIRE!!!

Yes, you read that correctly, he cut off his own arm with a dull pocket knife.

Imagine. This is HEART

Imagine that he literally chiseled away at the bone so he could snap his arm off and free himself from underneath the rock. I say shame on you useless dimwits who plead the blood of Jesus whenever the doctor schedules them for ordinary injection.

Now, there have been two previous attempts to tell the story of what happened afterwards but none of them is true. The first is a book released in 2004 titled “Between a rock and a hard place” and the second is a 2010 movie release titled “127 hours”. The good news is that I have the true story and I will be educating you soon enough. Aron said to me that he told the stenographers who wrote the book the story I’m about to tell you but the morons decided to edit it for reasons best known to them. The movie is based on the book so it can best be likened to an Aba made pair of Made in China ‘Abibas’ trainers.

Here’s the true story…

After he cut off his arm, he jumped off the cliff and broke his fall with his face, just because he’s that tough. Then he got ambushed by a tribe of 127 angry Indians, caught an arrow in his heart, pulled it out and killed all the warriors with it.

On his way back a buffalo crossed his path so what did Ralston do? He head-butt it to death, then he found its 127 offspring and broke their ribs just for pissing him off. Then, he chopped down a tree with his undoubtedly large penis, built a raft out of it and rafted down the green river. When he got to the river bank, he took a long walk to a little dirt road where he intended to hitch hike a vehicle to the nearest hospital.

However, after standing on the road for exactly 127.127 minutes without any forthcoming help, he decided to jog down to the hospital which coincidentally was just 127 miles away.

He survived all the while by drinking blood from his ‘finely’ severed right arm.

Talk about recycling. Blood cannot weist.

 

Very Bad Bad Guy.

That’s the damn truth more or less. Aron Ralston is a real man and one tough son of a bitch. He deserves utmost respect for being such a badass. This is the reason why he is my man of men.

I met Aron in 2009 in Tanzania where myself, @sheriphskills and about twelve pretty ladies plus Aron climbed to the peak of Mount Kilimanjaro. We quickly became friends and he told us this story. Aron also said not to tell anyone what I just told you but, Wurrahell… I am Larry Sushey and  the whole world deserves to know the truth.

Sorry Aron, i know you’re modest but f**k the Stenographers mehn!

*Say what?! Thought so.*

Aron has gone ahead to become the first man to climb all of Colorado’s 53 mountains over 14,000 feet in elevation and he did it all alone in winter. Albeit with one arm.

Use the comment box to express who your own greatest man to have walked the earth is. Don’t come here to start writing your father or fake guys like Nelson Mandela, Ghandi or Martin Luther-King.

We don’t do that here.

Larry Sushey.