May 2011


Talk about multitasking

 

I COME IN PEACE.

Warning: This is a Man~post.

Not that the women cannot read and enjoy this but you need to know that you will be reading about men today. I came across a post by @JCphoenixx where he so descriptively painted a gory picture of public toilets in Nigeria. Now in as much as that post almost made me puke, I admit that it was a good read and you can find a link to that post here .

The good thing about this post is that it gave me a ‘brain – boner’. An idea which has so succinctly given birth to today’s post.

Yes I shall be blogging about urinals. I also happen to  know that  there are female urinals too but I am not a pervert who stalks female lavatories and I have never seen one of those. I can only imagine that they would look somewhat like this:

Female urinal?

 

Yeah i know, i’m a dirty, dirty man. (Women please tell me none of y’all will use this equipment). With the picture above, I cannot imagine a man using this kind of urinal unless of course he’s gay. Or unless he’s errmmm homosexual which kinda means the same thing actually but, you know. You get my point.

So being the Larry Sushey that I am *thank you very much, fans self* I frequent a lot of bars and I can say that I have seen enough to be able to classify into twenty different categories, the type of men you meet in public restrooms. So here goes, much ado about urinals.

TYPES OF MEN ONE WOULD MEET IN A PUBLIC/BAR RESTROOM

1. EXCITABLE: Shorts half twisted around, can’t find hole, rips shorts.

These are the type of idiots that will not last during sex. The one minute men… refer to my last post.

2. SOCIABLE: Joins friends in piss whether he has to go or not.

I also cannot understand this lot. Come on lad, I am sure the gist can wait till your companion gets back! I always suspect that either they are a gay couple and the ‘escort’ wants to protect his interest or he has a secret crush on his pal.

3. CROSS EYED: Looks into urinal on left, pissed into one in the center, flushes one on the right.

I call them “look me look London.” If you see one of these in a public loo, kindly zip up and scram, because you might get hit by a pee fountain. To be fore-warned is to be fore armed.

4. NOSY: Looks into next urinal to see how other guy is fixed.

These are the ones I just want to slap! My guess is they constantly masturbate every night so that they can win the award of the biggest penis at the loo. They might also be closet pervs. You know, the type of guys who whisper ‘#nohomo to themselves anytime they exchange a handshake with a man. My advise is to just ignore them. What they need is a psychiatrist.

5. TIMID: Can’t urinate if someone is watching, flushes urinal as if he has already used it, sneaks back later.

Usually virgins, they have very small penises or are uncircumcised or have very irregularly shaped cocks. It’s not their fault. We should pray for them.

6. INDIFFERENT: All urinals being used, pisses in sink.

I like these ones. At least they are confident. Some of them even take time to wash their hands and the sink when they finish. Talk about a gentleman…

7. CLEVER: No hands, shows off by fixing tie, looks around, pisses on floor.

Complete morons. If my four year old nephew tried something like this, I would beat his arse till he hates Arsenal. What’s wrong with holding your wiener with your left hand and directing your pee? Bankers/lawyers take note.

8. WORRIED: Is not sure what he has been into lately, makes quick inspection.

I wonder why they do that. Are they worried their member is missing or what? Or maybe they are not sure of their sexuality. Weird bunch I tell ya… baffles me every time.

9. FRIVOLOUS: Plays stream up and down and across the urinal, tries to hit fly, never grows up.

How can a grown man try to hit a fly with his pee? I wonder what they’ll do if there’s no fly. Maybe attempt to spell their name with piss.

10. ABSENT MINDED: Opens vest, pulls out tie, pisses in pants.

Either broken-hearted or drunk. I mean, that’s the only logical explanation(s) I can come up with. Broken hearted doesn’t even cut it!

11. DISGRUNTLED: Stands for a while, gives up, walks away.

These ones definitely have some form of S.T.D. They come in murmuring to themselves, grunt like a pig for two minutes and leave. I suspect gonorrhea.

12. SNEAK: Farts silently while leaking, acts innocent, knows man in the next stall will be blamed.

I could so totally do this. You see I have one kind of innocent ajeboh face like that…*sips ribena*

13. CHILDISH: Leaks directly into bottom of urinal, likes to see it bubble.

There’s nothing wrong with this unless of course you are above eleven. Get a life or better yet a PS 3 ox XBox console. Thank you very much.

14. PATIENT: Stands very close for a long time waiting, reads newspaper with free hand.

I personally think these ones are covert agents or are just jobless morons. It’s a public toilet and it’s a lot more comfortable to read the newspaper while doing number ‘2’. Thank me later.

15. DESPERATE: Waits in long line, teeth floating, pisses in pants.

When you see someone shaking like he’s got parkinson’s and waiting to use the loo, be kind and give them a chance. It could be you tomorrow you know. *see, I still got a bit of good left in me…

16. EFFICIENT: Waits until he has to crap, then does both jobs.

These ones are the engineers. They know how to kill two birds with a stone. You identify them because once they walk in they move straight to the stall. You can’t take a crap in a urinal now, can you?

17. TOUGH: Bangs dick up against side of urinal to dry it.

Don’t mess with these guys. Most don’t even bother to wash their hands when they finish their business. Mostly bouncers, assassins, soldiers, you catch the drift yeah?

18. FAT: Has to back up and take long blind shot at urinal, misses, pisses on shoes.

I’m going to let your imagination work on this one. If you didn’t laugh/smile; Read no. 18 again. Imagine again.. Smile/Laugh…

19. LITTLE: Stands on box, falls in, drowns.

20. DRUNK: Holds left thumb in right hand, pisses in pants.

You will see these ones in every bar. When next you come across one of them, do me a favour and give them a dirty slap for me. Tell them Larry Sushey sent you.

Thanks to google, I found a list of pretty cool urinals I would so totally use. Have a peek below:

Whattt? I like red...

 

Ok, I admit this one's kinda scary...

So today’s friday and My friend Monrufu the friendly rat will be reporting from all the major bars/ clubs tonight. I suggest you behave yourselves or your picture might make it onto part 2 of this blog (if it ever comes)

Please use comment box. *Dont pee inside o!*

Until then… I leave you in pisses. 😀

She shivers in the wind like the last leaf on a dying tree. I let her hear my footsteps. She only goes stiff for a moment.Larry: Care for a smoke?
 
 
Abana: Sure. I’ll take one. Are you as bored about that crowd as I am?
 
 
Larry: I didn’t come here for the party. I came here for you. I’ve watched you for days. You’re everything a man could ever want. It’s not just your face or your eyes or your voice. It’s your ass, your breasts. All the things I could do with them.
 
 
Abana: What is it about my body?
 
 
Larry: I see a crazy call. You’re tired of waiting. You’re ready to fuck who you have to fuck. But you know you can’t do it alone.
 
 
Abana: No. I can’t do it alone.
 

 

The wind rises electric. She’s soft and warm and almost weightless. Her perfume is a sweet promise that brings tears to my eyes. I tell her that everything will be all right. That I’ll save her from whatever she is scared of and take her far, far away. I even tell her, I love her…
 

 

PSYCHE!!!

Here’s how it really happened.

 ***********************************************************************************************************

She stands alone on an eerily cold night, scantily clad, one arm akimbo. The other hand holds a cigarette she intermittently, desperately puffs on. She watches me as I a approach, eyeing me like a mother deer watches a stumbling fawn as he takes his first steps…

Larry: G..goo..good evening

 

 Abana: Hey wassup now?

 

 Larry: I’m fine. You are looking very beautiful tonight.

 

 Abana: Na today… Hafana? (How far now) Fine boy…

 

 Larry: Uhnn? I want to erm…

 

 Abana: You wan fuck abi? I wee give u nice style… just gimme three thousand!

 

 Larry: For wetin now? How many years?

 

***********************************************************************************

You see I was sixteen, a virgin and was in my final year of high school. Having heard different stories about how sweet sex was and how the girls always screamed out of ecstasy and pure joy when a man inserts a penis in them. I wanted to try it at all cost.

 

 Debo was a pro in this department. Below is a brief description.

Name: Debo Onigbinde

 Age: 56

Sex: Male

 Height: 5ft 2 inches

 Hobbies: Drinking, sex and ‘gisting’

 
My mentor- Debo Oningbinde

 Actually, despite the fact that he is old enough to be my father, he would never allow anyone call him “uncle” or “bros”. He was down to earth like that… Short man!

I know you are wondering what a 56 year old man is doing in high school. I don’t know myself. That’s what you get when you attend a boarding school in Ogbomosho.

You know the school bros who knew the A-Z of sex and had probably been fucking for ages. That was Debo. He was so experienced that anytime the rest of us smallies, went into the classroom at night to fondle our girlfriend’s breasts he was out there in town, “gbenshing” his life away.

Personally, he was my hero second only to “Nakson a.k.a Dauda the sexy guy” (of the Lolly magazine fame) and the amount of carbon cockprint I was emitting at the time would have made greenhouse green with envy. Not with all the Debo sex stories and breast smooching after dark…

 So we decided on that fateful 23rd of May. I was going to become a man that night. I was going to follow Debo to ‘town’. Have me some good ol’sex! I was kinda scared at the thought of sticking my member into someone.

Will they bleed? Wouldn’t it pain them? What if they die?

Debo had almost shit his pants laughing and when I think about it now, I probably, definitely, most certainly would have shit mine if I was in his shoes.

 *********************************************************************************

Abana:  Oya come now no vex. Short time na one thousand.

 

Larry: No, five hundred last. (Debo had given me heads up)

*Abana tosses her cigarette into a nearby gutter, opens a chewing gum wrapper and throws the gum it in her buccal cavity*. All the while she didn’t take her eyes away from me o!..

 

Abana: Oya lezzgo.

 ************************************************************************************************************

As she led me to her room, I passed quite a number of rooms and I could hear different pitches of  “Oooohs and Aaaahhs”.

I could have sworn I even heard someone speaking in tongues sef. In my mind I’m like WTFDTPD?! (What The Fuck Did The People Drink)

My client had a room mate who was busy inside and so we had to wait outside for a bit. I reached to squeeze her breasts and she quickly rebuked me. I had to pay an extra 200 quid for that…

And then I saw it, from the corner of my eye. I saw my role model. My beloved Debo ‘nodding’ one light skinned girl like that! His head was buried in between her thighs, his tongue deep in her crotch. She had both her hands on his head and seemed to be the one speaking in a foreign language too. I was so disgusted. In my mind…OMG!

Isn’t that where she pees from?

Why Debo?

I wonder how much he paid her!

 Here’s a pic of the ashawo Debo was giving head. (I stole this from his wallet afterwards) Apparently she took his virginity too.

Speak in tongue lady..

 

Anyway, room mate finally finishes and walks out chewing gum as loud as a fucking prostitute. Wait a minute… She is a fucking prostitute! :O .

The man walked out too adjusting his trousers, grinning from ear to ear like spongebob squarepants after successfully jellyfishing with his friend Patrick.

So we got in and I began to fumble with my trousers. The damn thing didn’t just wanna come off!

****************************************************************************************

Abana: Off ya trossis nah!

Larry: I’m trying. Oya help me nah…abi I go pay for dat one again?

 Abana: Mscheeuw

Sha sha, after fondling for a few minutes or so I managed to remove the damn pants.

Meanwhile, the stupid ashawo just lay there on the bed like a thanksgiving turkey, legs ajar waiting for me to insert my ‘sim’ card. The idiot didn’t even bother to remove her top sef. Well, no breast for me that day.

 She was kind enough though to help me wear a condom because I swear if she didn’t, I would’ve spent 30 minutes trying to figure out which way to go.

So I started. Went down on her missionary style and so as not to waste her time, she inserted my ‘sim’ in the right hole. In my mind I was thinking…

“What would Nakson do?”

First thrust. Second thrust. Shraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!! OOOPSIEDAISY….

I saw the sun, the moon

The mountains and the rivers

I saw heaven when I made sweet love to youuuu

 

I could have sworn I heard her laughing but she wasn’t. Only chewing gum really loudly. Funny I didn’t notice how loud she chewed all the while.

 ************************************************************************************************

Abana: You don finish?

Larry:  Nooo! How now?

 Abana: Abeg stand up joh! Smallie

 She pushed me away…

Larry: You used juju for me abi? Now now, I want my change o!

 Abana: If I tear u slap! U go face front.  Ashawo like you.

 Larry:  Ah who are u calling an ashawo? Oya let me press breast.

 Abana: I go beat u oh!!!

 Larry: Please now…. I promise to bring all my friends to your place. 😦

 Abana: Your fada!, carry dem go ya mama house!

 Larry: Please now, I will not do it again.. 😦 😦 😦

She seems to consider for a while and then surprisingly she said the six most amazing words I had ever heard at the time.

 Removing her shiny top to reveal semi- flaccid breasts, she said

 “Oya, come and press ya hand…”

The lady who took my innocence - Patience

****************************************************************************************************

 So that’s it. That’s how i lost my virginity. I will never forget that cos yeah well, i kept the receipt!!!

Some of y’all are like ewww, hmmmn, *smh*…etc. Kings College boys, (y-not crew) i see you. Don’t be forming holier than thou here o! Christ the King college Gwagwalada… All the boys only schools out there. I see you too. I just hope you have stopped that very bad habit. AIDS is real and these days condoms will not even help you.

I suggest you just start “selling-a-bait” like me. Celibacy is the way forward.

SP. The first part of this post was modified from  dialogue in the first scene of Sincity. A Robert Rodriguez flick i love so much.

Peace!

So my blog is titled Being Larry Sushey and so i guess i really have to tell you some real Sushey tales. A lotta absurd stories i’ve got in my head and well, let’s just hope i am able to remember them all before ya’ll kick the bucket. I remember telling you before that i am immortal so I will have already outlived you all. Remember, remember 21st of May…

*****************************************************************************************

For the purpose of this blog, let’s call the subject of today’s blog Sammy.

You see, Sammy is a really tall guy, say about 6feet 5 inches. Tall, dark and handsome Idris Elba typa guy. *I see a few ladies swooning in the corner*. Sammy likes to hang out a lot too,You know a real socialite well known in theAbuja club scenes. The man really knows how to rock a party i tell you…

So it was on one fateful Wednesday like that, say some time in 2009. Summer or rainy season as we call it in the tropics. I was home alone, thursday was a public holiday so yours truly and another Sushey, Franky Sushey decided to hang out. You know, visit the regular night clubs, have a few drinks, flirt with the gurls and maybe we would get lucky.Plus, what better week day was there than on a Wednesday?

You see inAbuja, almost all the clubs/lounges have this ‘ladies night’ theme going on. You know, the ladies get a free drink before midnight or discounted drinks for everyone till a particular time, e.t.c.

I have strong reason to also believe that wednesdays is the ladies night for most clubs in other parts ofNigeria as well.

Anyway, back to my tale.

I came back from work, chilled for a bit and drove out to Franky’s. Time was about 10 p.m. Franky then told me   about how Sammy called him earlier in the day and that Sammy wouldn’t mind hanging with us that night.

I thought cool!, why not? He knows how to rock a party! Anything that will get the bannies attracted to us is cool with me.

So we got in the car and off we drove towards a popular beer parlour in Maitama. In Abuja, we call those beer parlours ‘gardens’.

Got there in no time and as i was getting out of the car, i spotted Sammy coming out the garden. He spotted a pretty nice suit and i remember thinking to my self “chai, If only i could just add a little to this my height”. We said hi, had a short convo and headed towards one of the popular clubs on Ademola Adetokunbo.

You see the Susheys are regulars at this particular club highly regarded as the best in Abuja *pops collar* and so we always have V.I.P status. This is where the story begins to get really interesting.

 I stepped out the car after both Frank and Sam had alighted and then i saw them.

The shoes.

I mean they looked like something that had been raped, battered and utterly traumatised in the Sierraleonian war and whose entirely family had been discombobulated by the Foday Sankoh forces. The last of it’s kind i tell you. Let’s call the shoes…’the last Mohican”. Undoubtedly the last of it’s kind in all the galaxies and realms of existence.

I didn’t see them at the garden but now that we were outside the well lit club, there was no escaping. This guy was going down. I put on my screen saver face and had a quick glance at Franky. He wore a smirk on his and i guess we both knew there was no way Sammy was gonna get into that club with the Mohican.

I know those bouncers. They can embarass person!!

However, we approached the bouncers. There was a crowd at the gate and maybe he was gonna slip in, but i wasn’t gonna risk such. I waka(d) far and passed the first entrance before Franky. Luckily for Frank, Sam and the Mohican stopped to say hi to one of his colleagues in the office so Franky left him there too.

 BUHAHAHAHAHA!!!

I was at the last batch of bouncers when i heard it. Frankie was directly behind me. I saw his face & I swerrugad i wan bust laff!!! It took every bit of self-controlling nerve in me to stop me from ROTFLing. The bouncer was doubled over pointing at the Indian. Talking to the other guys at entrance one, he said:

Bros, all of una fit enter, but this shoe”?! LAI LAI!!! NEVER!! Do you want me to lose my job? I mean he didn’t even mind Sammy entering as long as he went in with his socks.

Don’t forget that all this while, the idiot didn’t even look at the wearer of the shoes o! He was doubled over pointing at ‘the shoes’. Pointing at the Indian.

Me and Franky kuku enter the club and came out about 15 minutes later after a few shots of tequila and many Sammy phone calls. We decided to go to another club cos of the guy plus he said he was popular there. My expectations where immediately lowered. I knew i wasn’t gonna get some that night.

5 minutes later we were at the other place. Make i no lie, not a bad looking joint but it looked more like an harem with the amount of ashawos up in there. Na ladies night them call am not Majela night! Me i just kuku face the bar dey sip my alomo a.k.a . hennessy. When we had extrebolated all our money, we decided to head back home. Sammy wanted to carry ‘hand bag’ but i said i would NEVER carry one of those in my car.

Then he said he was hungry and requested we dropped him off in front of another club in Abuja popular because some guys cook indomie there at night. He would take a cab home from there. I did as directed and afterwards Frankie and i left for home.

That’s not the end of the story.

The next day, Frankie calls to say that he got a call from Sammy that afternoon.

Apparently, after we left him, he entered the other club to pick up a sex partner with 3000 bucks he had hidden from us. I don’t know the details but he woke up the next day at about 8: am on the bench where the indomie seller was the night before in his suit.

No phone.

No wristwatch.

No wallet.

No cash.

No shoes.

Yes someone took the Mohican. They even took his stockings sef… Now tell me, how could anybody be that *insert any word u deem fit*?

How could they have kidnapped the Last Mohican?

People harsh o…Hian!

 

Huff. Puff. Huff. Puff. I will never let this kpoff kpoff drop.

Can you imagine, this Baskaliwag pursuing me. He sure doesn’t  know what he’s up against. Anyway sha, its not his fault. Na Tom and Jerry cause it. Under the table, inside pot, see as this idiot dey pursue me for public ni sha! I will show him who the boss is. But kai, these humans will never cease to baffle me. See as dem dey clap for us. The things that entertain them…*sigh*

So that’s how i decided to go see my lovely sugar plum. My one and only blom-blom. Monsura, the next door neighbour. She moved in about three weeks ago and it was love at first sight. I knew there and then that i wanted her to be my banny. The one i would hold, gbensh and cherish till a finer banny do us part. The one.

 I took a shower for the first time in years. I even use Sheriph tooth-brush arrange my beards and my furrrrr. I like it when i type that, furrrrr. *insert smiles* After polishing my tail and spraying small of Faruq’s perfume, I look inside the make shift mirror. *pops collar* TOH BADDT.

Can u smell the perfume?

It was a date and i heard that Sura the tailor gave her a very big piece of meat last week. He said it was a welcome to the ‘zanga’ gift. How can that small Sura give her goat meat?! Delicacy toh quality. I must to outdo-utunu. Then i decided what would do it, Iya Basira’s kpoff kpoff.

Let me tell you about Iya Bassie’s kpoffies… *chuckles*

 The best kpoff – kpoff in the whole wide wild world! I don’t know if it is juju or raw talent. One thing i know for sure is that her kpoff kpoff is the sweetest thing on earth. I know because i have stolen a piece of it from the fridge where Faruq left it before. That was way back in 1941.  *straight face* However, this was a mission to hell. Azzin, Suicide mission extraordinaire.

You see,  learning from experience, Iya Bassie had recruited “pikin”. They call him pikin because he really did look like Iya Basira. Being that Basira had no younger ones, word on the street was that na Iya Bassie born am. Don’t ask me how. Was i there?! Now Pikin was the defender of the kpoff kpoff universe.

Pikin, after a hard day's job

 He KILLED any creature that attempted to steal those kpoffies. There was no negotiating with Pikin. Once you touched the kpoff, You get the cuff. But, but, but… Sura had given her goat meat. I must to outdo-utunu. I must get me some kpoffies. The hotter the better…

So i set out, looking fly as fuck. My only plan was not to get killed. Any way, i couldn’t get killed. Me wey dey run 100 meters with with Thor yesterday… *Mscheeeuw*

Anyway, i dodge right, i dodge left. Iya Basira enter backyard. Pikin dey play ball. I intrebolate frying pan. I extrebolate frying pan. Pikin look up. Ghen Ghen! Ghen Gheuunnnnnnnn…

#That awkward moment when Skilobo catches you sipping his Udeme.

Pikin followed me like we was in twitter. Huff. Puff. Huff. Puff. I will never let this kpoff-kpoff drop. I ran as fast as i could but Pikin was fast and furious. I swear the guy would’ve felt at home running with dem Flash Gordon dem dem. Under table, inside hole, under chair, inside basket,  kpoff kpoff hanging precariously on my nicely brushed head. I ran, oh i ran, but pikin, like a loyal slave, followed. If only i could get him to my part of town, na to fight the bastard remain! I must to make Monsura proud. I could see her tribal marks in my mind, exactly the motivation i needed to keep me going. I must survive this.

A few more strides later, i saw the wall. The dead end i thought would never come. Na to fight remain. I drop the kpoffie do hand- break turn… Set blow.

Pikin stop, look me. *pause*

…………

He had a very thin voice. Exactly like T-pain’s… These were his words. “Monrufu my guy, i thot we’d never come this far. Now that we are away from public glare, can i have some kpoff- kpoff to make my day?”

Phew! Honestly, the way the guy pursued me, I’m not sure even Superman would’ve been able to fight him. Apparently, He had never got a taste of the kpoffies since he started working for Iya Basira… I travelled far away in thoughts. Monsura’s tribal marks at the back of my mind. All of a sudden, the kpoff kpoff smell started intrebolating me. I didnt even notice how nice it smelt all the while i was running. Abeg, na to chop kpoff-kpoff remain jare.

Na so i siddon with Pikin, share the kpoff kpoff with am. Monsura can wait till another day. I made a new friend that day. This pikin… Ajebo oshi!!

I remain yours truly

Monrufu.

Very Badt Badt Rat….toh  Badt!!!

 

Larry Sushey says:

So i asked on twitter yesterday what the origin of the word “pikin” was and didn’t get any interesting answers. I did some research and found out that the word — Pikin really is an offensive term.

Thanks to gemispiece.blogspot.com .

The word pikin is gotten from the word picanniny.  Picaninny is such an offensive term for a black child. It was used way back then to describe slave children. So the next time someone calls you a pikin or asks you: “How the pikin dem?” Have it at the back of your mind what the word means.

Pikins dem dem!!! 😀

I have been contemplating doing this for a bit now but I haven’t found the right dose of motivation to do it. In other words I have been a lazy twat. Yes, I know I have to introduce myself to blogville.
My name is Larry and I am a Sushey.
I am probably the most handsome Sushey y’all will ever see because you see I am HENDOWED.

Larry Sushey


What were you thinking?! *adjusts trossis* Yes, I take kissing classes and ayamm very good at it so feel free to call me anytime. Both men and women, all join. *side eye*

I will via this blog attempt to educate you mere mortals about the Sushey world and any other random thoughts that swirl around in my mind. If you think outside the box, I think out the world. Did I also mention that I am immortal? Right.

First, I will attempt to familiarize you with a few of the words that will probably feature a lot in my blogs. Call it Sushey lingua(e).

ABANA: noun -plural -(s) also known as Banny. Any woman who is neither your sister nor your mother. For example, to me your sister is an abana but to you she’s not & vice versa. Yes you reading, you are a banny, and did I hear that guy say so is my mother? Correct guy!!!

 

DISCOMBOBULATE: -verb to destroy, maim, kill, hurt, disenfranchise, dismember, poison, beat up, intoxicate, *insert any bad action word*, something or someone.

EGYPT: -noun, place. One of the Sushey pads. What happens in Egypt stays in Egypt.

 

EXTREBOLATE: -verb to exit a place, an event or a person.

GAROOHORBIT: -noun, cigarettes. I will intimate you of the origins of this word in subsequent posts.

INTREBOLATE: -verb to enter a place, an event or a person.

LOLA: -noun coined from the Yoruba word “atemolola” which means to give a child wealth. This is what the rest of you call the ATM machine.

 

YANKEE: -noun, place another of the various Sushey pads. What happens in Yankee stays in Yankee.

 

Alright, ayaff tayad. I said a few words and I’m sure that if you are not stupid you will pick up the rest of the words in subsequent posts.
I will also feature guest writers like Willy-Willy (yes she’s not dead)

Willy Willy a.k.a I must to kill Nkemji


Monrufu , @ SheriphSkills’ pet rat,

Th rat simply known as Morunfu

and other talented men, women, animals and spirits of timber and caliber.
In the mean time, Let me use this opportunity to invite any one who’s reading this to the 1st and last end of the world super bash!!! Oh yes mortals, You all have ten days to live *insert evil laugh* So it’s your last opportunity to parray like a rockstar!Have you heard the song that that foolish Bankole boy stole from Sushey records? “Ain’t no parray like a Sushey parray and in Sushey parrays we dey bother everbody…” Yeah, that Bankole. The real Master Sushey just decided against punishing him because of his side burns. Yes, there is something about Sushey and side burns. It’s like kpoff – kpoff and honey.
Ehen, back to the parray. There are goinna a lorrof shekpe, opa eyin, paraga, squadron, monkey tail e.t.c Also moin moin, okpa, boli, guguru, abacha and to crown it all up Marijuana of the highest quality. Abanas seff must plenty much. Come with your friends, enemies, family and pets alike. There will be enough for everyone.
Remember that this is the last party of your miserable lives so get ready to tell everyone your church mind.

Those you have hated secretly and haven’t had the guts to tell. That your bestfriend’s abana you gbenshed secretly that night he was outta town. That meat you stole in primary 5 and blamed it on the housegirl. You will have only a few hours to tell them all this so i suggest you come early so as to get discombobulated early. At least if the world doesn’t end the following day, You could blame it on the alcohol. Venue and dress code will be communicated to you in due course. Intrebolation time is 6:pm and you can extrebolate anytime after 12 midnight. Did i mention that we will have a pastor/imam/babalawo in house to conduct prayers just in case you believe in heaven and wanna make it. This might be your last chance. Don’t dull.
Once again, Larry is my name and i am a Sushey. Welcome to my blog.

*NB- All gbagauns are intentional.